Exculpation

Blaming is a fixing move, just like feeling guilty. We have a perpetrator, we have a victim – and with that, the responsibility of each one in the system ends. The perpetrator and the victim hide behind their roles, and the others do not need to waste any further thoughts on the matter. Thus, the movement stops, and you will never be able to learn what you have to learn from this situation to prevent it next time.

To evolve beyond blame, it is important to be able to exculpate. To know and to be able to express: if someone could have done better, they would have. In this way, you set yourself and others around you free to take in the information from the system.

Only when you see everyone as a participant, rather than perpetrator, victim and bystander, does it create space to see why what happened did happen. Because what is it that the system is achieving with the situation at hand? When a team member expresses a particular opinion or displays specific behaviour, what are they connected to? Does that opinion or behaviour perhaps represent other people, ideals, goals or memories?

Exculpation then also asks you to zoom out. Because then you can see beyond the person how they provide a voice to what the system needs. And ask yourself: what can we do in this scenario to prevent it from happening again?

That requires the quality of being able to really take the rest, the relaxation. To be able to recharge, do not have to do anything. And them, when the moment presents itself, be able to translate that relaxation into action.

In order to apply this skill, as a leader you must first be willing to look at yourself and feel where you stand.

Ask yourself:

Am I adding tension or relaxation right now? Am I feeling pressure, am I filled with adrenaline?

From that conscious question, you can switch into the relaxation in which you can flourish as a leader. By focusing on your breathing and trusting that you know you can handle whatever comes your way. By saying yes to what is to come, by trusting your ‘response-ability’. Without having to exclude anything from yourself.

Relaxed alertness does not merely have to be in you as a leader, you can also make room for it within your team.

Imagine spending a day working with your team. After lunch, everyone comes back with a post-lunch energy dip: dormant and hard to perk up. What do we do in this case? Keep calm and carry on, and we will get over our fatigue in no time! Try something different. Take half an hour each for yourself to give space to your energy dip. Afterwards, everyone will be fully available for the programme again from a place of relaxation.